I had been itching for something but I didn’t know what, just that it was something and it was coming. I knew I needed to recreate my reality, retrain my brain. I was living a life that did not serve me, living a life of conditioned behaviors set in motion by the traumas and experiences that laid before me in my path. I could not let it go, I could not give myself permission to let it go. How would I ever be able to give myself permission and walk my path without all that extra baggage? Floating. That was the answer and I knew it as soon as I heard it, that was my solution.
It has not been an overnight journey for me. This has taken time. At first I came into it starting to feel disappointed and frustrated because I wanted such a quick fix. But it often takes years and years, 10-20 years, of talk therapy, pills, and sometimes a team of specialists to show very minimal progress in probably a small amount of behaviors. They say altered states can be like 10-20 years of therapy in one session. When you have lived in a certain state for so long, in a constant fight or flight response, that is years and years of conditioning and experience deeply connected to emotion, false realities and false intuition, adaptations you wrongfully learned. Your feelings are a reaction and not an understanding. It’s taken me a handful of floats for some behaviors that are deep rooted within my mind. This is a tool for me to be my own therapist. A much faster, empowering way to heal.
Language is what shapes us. Our anxiety and stress and depression comes from how we talk to ourselves in our mind. It’s how we have been conditioned culturally, socially, traumatically, and environmentally to think about ourselves and how we see the world. The chemicals in the brain become unbalanced due to being conditioned and we become stuck in this state. You need to go to a place not understood by language in order to uncondition yourself. A place left of all the societal pressures. A place you forgot existed. It allows you to retrain your brain, recreate your reality. Floating has helped me to do that. Floating has helped me to get back in touch with my self.
We have lost the ability to feel. Language is how we understand reality. We don’t talk about our feelings because of the stigma associated with it. How can we truly face this problem if we don’t acknowledge that it is there. There are many people who are suffering from a mental illness but refuse to admit that and live a life full of pain and torture within their own mind. OR they think that it is normal to feel like this because it isn’t talked about and so instead of seeking help they further retreat into their mind, further isolating themselves from the healing they really need. We live in a world so consumed by words that we forget how to feel, how to feel properly. We need to learn how to get back to the place of feeling, a place where words don’t exist, a place where things are understood by how we feel. We rely so much on language, we are stuck on language. But that which we can’t articulate is not necessarily what we don’t understand. Just because we can’t explain it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. You have to go beyond language, beyond words, back to feeling. That is where your self exists.
Language creates our reality, but be weary because it can create a false reality and make us feel things that aren’t there. Altered states: floating, strips you of those false realities and leaves you with more questions that feel like answers. I changed my wording from “I suffer…” to “I am in recovery…” In recovery you find possession of something lost, you return to a normal state of health. I am in recovery from PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I have regained my self, my health, my mind, and my body. And I will forever be in recovery, forever be working towards being in touch with my self. As soon as I changed the wording I changed my reality. It needs to be a part of your routine be it daily, monthly, annually, whatever it just needs to be something you are constantly striving for. You have to do the work in order to be in touch with your self. Floating and other modalities are tools to get back in touch with yourself. There are many options, you just need to find the right one for you.